From the Education Collection: The Effects of Divorce
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While getting ready this morning, the song, “Still Have You” by Freya Ridings came on. (A beautiful song if I’ve ever heard one.)
And something within those lyrics struck me.
“You are all I wanted, so if I threw it all away, would I still have you?”
Something that I hold sacred and don’t talk a lot about, at least not on here, are the relationships post-divorce that I’ve had.
And today, I have to talk about it.
Women, there will come a time in your life where you may meet a man that will be unlike any other man you’ve ever dated.
He will be so different than the man that broke you.
He will make you feel all the things and help you realize that love can be UNCONDITIONAL.
He will remind you of your worth.
He will look after you, cherish you, and care for you.
He will put joy back into your life and ignite that inner sparkle…
And those sparkling, joy-filled eyes may fill with tears in the end as you walk away and have to say, “goodbye”.
Some may ask, “Why would you walk away from someone who loves you unconditionally and gives you everything you need?”
Because what’s been taught is that if you love someone, you make it work. Right? YES…
IF it doesn’t come at the cost of sacrificing yourself and losing who you are in the process.
I was reminded of my worth while being in the greatest relationship of my life, but at the end of the day, things felt off even though I loved him.
We chose ourselves in the end because staying together would result in us losing parts of ourselves that we love too much, parts that make us who we ARE.
And if you want to talk about pain, well that’s a whole new level of heart-break; a level I was NOT prepared for.
These song lyrics reminded me that for 9 months now I have been racking my mind, filtering through every memory wondering what I could have done differently to make this relationship work only to be reminded very gently… that I made a promise to myself after my divorce…
I will NEVER lose myself to a someone else ever again.
Even if it’s someone I love.
There are days I want to throw it all away and change every part of me so I can be “right” for him, but I love myself too much to lose who I am.
So I’m here, healing, working through it all. Feeling my emotions. Talking about them. Healing through the pain. Teaching others to do the same. And I’m so proud to say that a song that so easily could send me spiraling, made me stop and remember that I am worth loving myself and not throwing it all away.
And YOU ARE TOO.
Here are 3 ways to stop throwing yourself away in relationships:
- Create a list of all the MUST HAVES you want in YOURSELF when you’re in a relationship. Who do you want to be? How do you want to show up? How do you want to feel when you’re with someone? Ponder your qualities and ask yourself if that is the true you. Then, when you get in a relationship, you have markers to help you determine if you are living as your true self.
- Start loving yourself NOW. This doesn’t mean only taking baths and treating yourself. This is loving yourself when you make a mistake and having the grace to forgive yourself when you mess up.
- Stop depriving yourself of the things you WANT and NEED. How often do you meet your own needs? How often are you longing for something and you deprive yourself of it. Take care of your needs and get used to being taken care of. It’s much easier to be taken care of in a relationship if you’re already taking care of yourself.
To summarize, my message is to CHOOSE YOU.
And never stop!
YOU are the person who will be with you when you are up at night unable to sleep.
YOU are the person who will be there when you are sobbing in traffic, weighed down from pain and sorrow.
YOU are the only person who will forever be there, so love her, take care of her, and don’t lose her.
I’d love to hear if this resonates with you or what you took away from this. Leave me a comment below! I read them all!
