From the Education Collection of how divorce affects others
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Learning Self-Worth
Divorce and self-worth.
Let’s talk about it.
But in order to do that, let’s take a little journey.
The year was 2017,
I was young, naive, and had very little to no self-worth.
All I dreamt about was the perfect wedding, the perfect dress, the colors, bridesmaids, and flowers… but you know what I didn’t dream about?
The perfect man…. or the perfect me.
Sounds silly to put it like that.
I didn’t dream about the perfect man?
No, because the idea of the perfect man was shattered when I lost my sense of self-worth because I didn’t believe that I deserved better.
And the idea of anyone being “perfect” before marriage was just plain out ridiculous.
But hear me out as I switch gears for a sec.
Questions to Ponder
Why is the divorce rate so high?
Why is the marriage rate decreasing?
Why is the divorce age getting younger?
I’m here to impose my opinion on you…
1. Because people get married with the belief that if 2 puzzle pieces fit together, then they’re meant to be together. Remember the episode from New Girl where Winston Bishop put a puzzle together? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rzpuCSZFhIg) Not all puzzle pieces fit together just because they are puzzle pieces.
2. Because self-worth is so low (and it’s only getting worse. I think it comes from the world of social media) that individuals are starving for love and attention therefore, they are willing to commit to a MARRIAGE to “lock” someone into the trap of filling their needs because they can’t fill them on their own.
3. Because of the “fix it” mentality. “I can fix/save/train him.” “He needs me to fix this for him.” Etc.
The Issue
Gaps. Holes. Issues. We all have them.
But they’re NOT another person’s responsibility to fix.
Read that again.
Your gaps, holes, and issues are NOT another person’s responsibility to fix.
And on the contrary, you are not responsible for doing that for others.
But I didn’t know that then.
In 2017, I was naive and thought I could save him.
I thought that if I waited long enough, he would change.
And not to spoil the story, but he didn’t change.
I entered the marriage with little self-worth and I left the marriage as a completely shattered woman who knew nothing of her own worth.
I didn’t dream up the perfect man because I didn’t believe I deserved him.
I called my wedding off a week before.
Did I go through with it? No, because I didn’t think I could do better than him.
I saw the signs and red flags.
I felt I deserved better, but I didn’t KNOW.
Your Takeaway
And so my message to you, you DO deserve better! You deserve the BEST.
Love yourself first so no one will ever have the audacity to treat you differently than what you deserve.
Self-worth is something that is taught to you by your parents and role models.
It is a learned trait.
But it begins with you deciding today that you deserve better!
It begins with allowing yourself to believe that you didn’t deserve what happened to you.
And it begins with you choosing to embark on the journey of loving yourself wholeheartedly.
If you want to learn more about self-love and how to grow your self-worth, set up a free 15-minute call with me and we will come up with a plan of action for you!
Xoxo, Aubs