Shoutout To My Ex

A Letter to My Ex-Husband

Why did we get married? 

No really? 

Why? 

What did you think was going to happen?

Did you ever think we’d get divorced?

Did you ever think you did anything wrong? 

Or do you still blame me for everything?

I’m hurting because of what you did to me. 

I’m hurting because all I want is to help women—victims of divorce—to move on and find happiness in their lives again. 

And I feel inadequate, guilty, and afraid to do that. 

I feel these things because I feel unworthy. 

I hear the words you last said to me in person… “I feel bad for you. I feel bad for your future kids because if they ever come to you asking for advice, you’ll just tell them to give up. You’ll never be able to give relationship advice because all you know about relationships is that you should give up.” 

Those words ring true, but I know of their falseness. 

I know they aren’t true. 

That’s why I wish you could see me now. 

I wish you could look me in the eyes and say those things again. 

I wish you could look at me in the face and tell me what you told me 2.5 years ago. 

I wish that you could approach me with as much audacity as you can and choke out the words that shattered me before.

Why do I wish this?

Because now, I’m stronger. 

Because now, I’m proving you wrong. 

Because now, you have no power over me. 

Your words, your life, you… mean nothing and everything at once. 

Your words don’t control me. 

But your actions, they shaped me. 

And I hope that if you see me again, that you feel ashamed. 

I hope you feel afraid.

I hope you see the beautiful monster you created. 

Because that’s all I ever was to you… a monster, but I bet you didn’t see it coming that my career would be to help other women to get out of the same hell you caused me. 

And I hope you realize that you messed up.

Because you had a chance of a lifetime and you gave that up… you gave up your chance because of your selfishness. 

Thank you for hurting me. 

The pain you caused me allowed me to create a fiery transformation in my life, one you will never have the privilege to know, and that is the greatest gift of all to me. 

But I just wish you could see me one more time, look me in the eyes and tell me how bad you messed up.

But just in case you don’t see me again, which let’s be honest, you won’t, I hope you wonder what I’m doing with my life and I hope that it blows your mind that I did what you always said I wouldn’t be able to do. 

– Your Ex-Wife

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